There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
