3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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