Whod you bang
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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