I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
