I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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