i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
