My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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