i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
