Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I wish there were birth control emojis
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
