I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
