I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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