So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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