i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
why do cheetos always look like penises
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
