There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
