someone threw a dead crab at me
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
