i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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