All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
they're like a gay fantastic four
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
