He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
