He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
