the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
