Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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