Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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