im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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