you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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