I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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