Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize