That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize