I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My ATM looks so different sober.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
