so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
