Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
