Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
