The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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