i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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