i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
