forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
