I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
