God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't deserve a penis
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Randomize
