who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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