I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
