Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
