his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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