i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
