It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
