Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
