Pants 0. Shit 1.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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