I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
