I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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