i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
