At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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