Got a toothbrush?
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
