the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
