I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
