I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Randomize
