I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
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