Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
