I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
