why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
