Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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