I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
