too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
