just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
