he shaved USA in his pubs
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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