The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
