so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
