not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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