he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Acid is not a monday night drug
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he was CRYING into my vagina
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
