he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
