he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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