Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
