chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
